Dec

6

Prayer

Dec

6

First Kiss

May

19

Just wasn’t fair to not give credit where credit is due. These are choice.

 

THE DEMOGRAPHICS OF AMERICAN NEWSPAPERS

1 . The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the  country but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do,  however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
 

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country — if they could find the time — and if they didn’t have  to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can  get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country as long as they do something really scandalous,  preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country . . . Or that anyone is running it; but if so,  they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any another country or galaxy,  provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. The New Orleans Times-Picayune is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something in which to wrap it.

May

18

Actually from my buddy Nina, but i got this branding thing going you know. Anyhow this was too much a hoot not to post

No explanation required

Toliet Outside View 

Toliet Inside View

Mar

29

We were on the floor laughing at this one today…the truth can sometimes be pretty funny… 

(Actually this one came to me from my pal Ed) 

A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River.  

Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.  

On the big day, the Japanese team won by a mile.  

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.  A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.  Their conclusion was the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.   

So American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. The consultants advised that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing. 

To prevent another loss to the Japanese, the American’s rowing team’s management structure was totally reorganized to 4 Steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant Superintendent steering manager.  They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the “Rowing Quality First Program,” with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower.  There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices, and bonuses. 

The next year the Japanese won by two miles!  

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment.  

The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year’s racing team was out-sourced to India.  

Mar

25

Things you will never hear a southern boy say 

I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
Duct tape won’t fix that.
Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
We don’t keep firearms in this house.
You can’t feed that to the dog.
No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
Wrestling is fake.
We’re vegetarians.
I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, we don’t need another dog.
Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
Checkmate.
I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Trim the fat off that steak.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
The tires on that truck are too big.
Unsweetened tea tastes better.
I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
I don’t have a favorite college team.

Mar

6

Actually I got these from my buddy Nina and sent them to Earl. These are choice and real answers to math questions.

Question 1

Question 2

Question 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

…and off we go to graduate school

Feb

14

Everyone has at least one buddy that sends them amusing emails. My buddy that does this is named Earl. Earl is a cool musician from New Mexico with a killer sense of humor. This is the first installment from him for those of you not fortunate enough to be on his mail list. This is direct from the bagman to you!

 

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